Arriving KTM airport in Nepal with wheelchair assistance

Nepal is a fascinating place, home to generous, warm-hearted people with a long, rich history and a complex mix of cultures. The natural beauty of the Himalayas is impressive even beyond the grandeur of other monumental peaks I’ve seen such as the Alps or Denali.

The effort undertaken to reach this place is worthwhile.

Snow capped mountain peak behind lush green foliageFor those of us with physical limitations or health issues, however, the voyage itself represents a significant hurdle. I live in—and traveled from—New England, in the United States, to this land-locked south Asian nation nestled between India and China.

Most of my readers, I suspect, would, like me, endure a long and arduous journey to reach Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal. I hope that, by sharing my personal experience of the process, I can make the trip less daunting for others who travel with chronic health conditions or mobility impairments.

Knowing what to expect can ease anxiety.

Each of us deserves equal access to the wonders of the world, but a little extra preparation can go a long way toward smoothing an otherwise bumpy path for those with special needs.

Arriving at KTM airport

I was fortunate to have the means to fly business class between the USA and Nepal, but 16+ hours of flight time still induced a flare of my autoimmune condition.

I will write a separate post reviewing my flights on Qatar Airways in the near future. You can also look forward to my review of the resort where we stayed for six nights while DH attended a conference on site.

My husband and I traveled from Boston (BOS) to KTM (Kathmandu) via Doha, Qatar (DOH) in late 2022.

Special Assistance is free, but it takes extra time

As is true in most of the world’s major airports, cost-free* wheelchair assistance is offered at KTM, Kathmandu’s Tribhuvan International Airport. I have never encountered fees for special assistance, including in both Qatar and Nepal.

Special assistance should always be requested in advance, ideally when booking your airline ticket. It is much harder, when traveling on common carriers, to call for a wheelchair at the last moment than to decline one that was ordered just for you. If there’s any chance you’ll need ride through an airport, have it noted in your reservation.

You may change your mind at any later point and walk yourself through the airport without creating negative consequences. I’ve never had refusal of a wheelchair at a departure or intermediate airport affect subsequent legs of the same trip, I’d never been lowered from a jet in a scissor lift before this trip, then did it twice on one day. If you’ve never seen one of these conveyances, imagine a shipping container (or very large commercial elevator car) with accordion-folding doors on each end and a scissor lift beneath to raise and lower the box. Outside each door is a small platform with safety railing to bridge the gap from lift to plane door, or from lift to tarmac..

Usually, one can specify the need for assistance through the terminal, only with stairs, and/or to be taken all the way to one’s seat on the plane itself.

Typically, one can enter a special request for assistance while self-booking online, a travel agent can do it, or it is also easy to add to a reservation after the fact with most airline mobile apps and websites. Calling the airline reservation center should also be an option, and generally would not incur a fee for speaking to an agent.

While I can and do walk in my daily life, and I don’t constantly require an assistive device to get around, I do occasionally use a cane when a knee or hip acts up.

I wrote about acquiring my cane in this post.

Purple aluminum HurryCane walking stick freestanding on a wood floor

I always benefit from not over-exerting myself while in transit. I sometimes struggle with stairs, and my energy often flags across long distances. In a strange airport, it can be hard to predict exactly how far one will need to walk, or when a new challenge might loom.

Scissor lift assist when jet bridge isn’t available

For my connecting flight—landing in DOH—and upon arrival in Kathmandu, exterior staircases were used instead of jet bridges to offload passengers from the planes. This can be an intimidating sight when your joints have stiffened up after sitting for many hours or if you’re bleary eyed with fatigue.

Special assistance meant waiting to be the last guests taken off each flight, but being lowered in a scissor lift in a group with other less-abled passengers felt much safer than navigating steep steps holding a carry on bag and my cane after dozens of hours of travel.

I’d never been lowered from a jet in a scissor lift before this trip, then did it twice in one day. If you’ve never seen one of these conveyances, imagine a shipping container or very large commercial elevator car with accordion-folding doors on each end and a scissor lift beneath to raise and lower the box.

Outside each door is a small platform with safety railing to bridge the gap from lift to plane door, or from lift to tarmac.

View over shoulder of passenger seated in wheelchair showing door to scissor lift and Qatar plane behind

Passengers step or roll via mobil ramp across the entry platform to enter the lift’s boxy compartment. Airport staff—always two or more, in my limited experience—direct and assist passengers throughout loading and unloading, and one specific employee, perhaps appropriately called the driver, operates all the scissor lift machinery.

Doors are secured before the vehicle moves up or down, and every step of the process feels as though passenger safety has been carefully considered.

Inside the two lifts I experienced, one had eight installed seats filling half of one side of its interior space to accommodate self-mobile passengers like me, and the other was just a large open space. Both lifts arrived at the jet with airport wheelchairs already on board, so it was always possible for me to sit during the transfer process, whereas my able-bodied husband only took a seat for the fifteen minutes or so of the transfer on the former lift design.

At KTM, wheelchair attendants rode the scissor lift from the plane with their assigned guest. At DOH, by contrast, the lift lowered passengers to the tarmac, a transfer bus brought us to the terminal, and only at the airport building did an attendant take over care of a passenger.

Kathmandu’s system was much quicker than Doha’s, if not speedy overall, but also reflected the smaller size of Nepal’s airport, making the trip by foot/wheelchair between any two gates fairly trivial.

Analog wall clock showing 12:06

Do yourself a favor if you have any mobility impairments at all, and insist upon at least an extra hour’s time cushion if you require special assistance at Doha (DOH) or Kathmandu (KTM.) We waited 15-20 minutes longer than passengers who could manage stairs before we were able to deplane.

KTM airport wheelchair does not have luggage shelf

While some airports provide sturdy, rigid-framed wheelchairs including a shelf under the seat for a full-sized carry on bag, KTM did not offer this type of chair. They gave me a ride in a basic, folding transit wheelchair with a sling seat. I was fortunate that DH was traveling with me and could manage our bulkier hand baggage.

View of passenger in wheelchair inside lift used to lower people from planeMy tote bag sat in my lap while I used a wheelchair in Tribhuvan International Airport. If you will travel alone and require wheelchair assistance here, pack a spinner-type wheeled bag that can easily roll alongside while you hold its handle or use luggage you can hold comfortably in your lap.

Tarmac beyond exit gate from scissor lift with gate still closed

Compared to other airports I’ve passed through, one spends more time outdoors crossing the tarmac and exposed to the elements at KTM. Ideally, be dressed for the climate upon exiting the plane here.

I was glad to be visiting during the dry season where feeling cold was our only concern.Crossing from plane to airport terminal at KTM in the open air

Passport control in a wheelchair & airport experience

Our flight touched down three minutes early, at 01:12. While that’s a disorienting time to arrive, a benefit is that port facilities are less likely to be crowded in the pre-dawn hours.

I’d read of confused—and confusing—hoards at KTM, especially slowing down the Visa on Arrival process where one needs to visit several distinct counters in a specific order, but we conducted this necessary business fairly quickly. Certainly, I’ve waited in much longer queues for Passport Control in Boston and at other major airports.

Buddha statue at entrance to KTM from runway with arrivals hall and passport control visible beyond

Because I had a wheelchair attendant conveying me through KTM, we went directly to the correct station for our visas and then passport checks. That doesn’t mean the process was completely without hiccups, however!

As I’d read online, completing a Nepal tourist visa application online and printing out the subsequent confirmation sped up our arrival paperwork. Having entered two sets of data for myself and my spouse, however, on the same computer and at roughly the same time… my information was immediately found in the system, but there was no record of my husband’s application.

We both had submission IDs and printed receipts, too.

Here’s a link to the Online Visa Application for Nepal. Make sure you visit the official Nepalese government site as there are a few scammy looking ones that come up in search results.

Two printed confirmations of Nepal online visa application submissionThere was a bit of conversation between the wheelchair attendant and the gentleman working the visa counter, but nothing more than time was required of us, the visitors. Either the clerk re-typed DH’s data off the printed confirmation form I’d handed over, or he discovered it in the computer after all. Within ten minutes or so, we were given the receipts necessary to proceed to Passport Control.

I brought the mandatory $30 visa fee for each of us in US dollars and had the funds paper clipped to our printed copies of the online visa application acceptance document. This worked smoothly, and kept me from having to fumble in my wallet in a state of exhaustion, stiff-fingered and stupid with fatigue.

If I can avoid flashing cash and showing what is in my wallet in public while traveling, I do so. For similar reasons, I carry at least one credit card, a photo ID, and some cash somewhere else on my person in addition to my wallet as well.

As advised by the internet, I did take care to use fairly clean, smooth bills to pay the visa fee; I’ve seen it reported in many places that crumpled, marked, or even folded dollars might be rejected by money changers in Nepal. I opted not to take the risk of bringing currency in poor condition.

After the visa process, I found it interesting that the wheelchair attendant took me to a counter signposted for those with free visasi.e., not my nationalitywhen we approached the passport control booths. The same fellow directed DH to the regular lanes for foreign nationals.

Passport control was one of the rare times when we did not stay together in transit. Staying with one’s group is typical when only one member requires special assistance.

US Passport book and airline boarding pass

Also, while my attendant cut the line and took me directly to a particular passport control booth, my husband’s paperwork was actually processed much sooner, and he stood waiting for me on the other side of the row of inspectors for approximately 15 minutes. I got the impression the attendant intentionally brought me to a certain agent, possibly a manager, but I have no confirmation of this notion.

The agent who processed my passport disappeared with it for several minutes after another employee walked up and asked her what seemed to be an urgent question. I experienced some trepidation as my identification left with her from my line of sight! Upon her return, there were no other unusual questions or procedures, and I did get my passport back in the end.

If standing for an extended period of time is taxing for you, I recommend requesting special assistance at KTM and taking advantage of a wheelchair escort. There’s no telling exactly how long each step in the immigration process will take, and it is much easier to manage forms, documents, and funds while seated and with reduced pain.

On the other hand, Kathmandu’s airport is not particularly large. It requires far less walking than Doha, for example. At KTM, I would base the decision to opt for a wheelchair on:

  1. ability to descend stairs,
  2. time one can spend comfortably standing in line at customs, or
  3. concerns about being jostled in a crowd.

Distance traveled is not the most difficult feature of Tribhuvan International Airport.

Exiting the airport & finding your ride

Our instructions from DH’s conference organizer told us to claim our baggage, then proceed to the ground transportation area. There, we would find a chauffeur holding a sign with our name ready to drive us to the hotel.

Still riding in the wheelchair conducted by the same attendant, we passed through a security checkpoint on the way out of Customs and Passport Control. There was a standard metal detector—i.e., not the arms-up body scanner glass box—but I wasn’t asked to get up or walk through the arch.

Fortunately, we also didn’t need to remove our liquids or electronics at this checkpoint, either. I’m not even sure the metal detector was turned on because it didn’t sound when I rolled through it in a metal chair.

This was my first experience of security at the exit of an airport.

Baggage claim was lively and crowded, but, again, not excessively so compared with other busy airports. Given the early hour, however, I imagine it could be a circus at its peak capacity.

According to Wikipedia, the international terminal at this airport currently serves more passengers than its official stated capacity.

Screen grab of KTM Wikipedia page showing passenger volume statistics highlighted

Because we were the last ones to leave our plane, and since my passport control process was slightly protracted, our checked suitcase was already off the conveyor belt and waiting in a small collection with a dozen or so others on the ground nearby.

I’d read that baggage claim tickets would be compared to the tags on suitcases at KTM, but no one inspected our tags as we left with our checked bag.

Photo of luggage on airport baggage cart

I’d also read that enterprising types would attempt to trick us into paying for an airport luggage cart though these are actually free for anyone to use at KTM. The attendant procured a cart on our behalf, however, so there was no need for us to fend off overzealous would-be porters.

Luggage in tow, the wheelchair attendant escorted us down a long, curving hallway and outside to the ground transportation area where taxi drivers jockeyed and chauffeurs with signs waited across the roadway. I rode in the wheelchair; DH pushed our baggage cart.

I noticed the room with a row of ATMs I’d read about online at this point. It was quite near the terminal exit. Only one cash point appeared to be working if my quick glance as we sped by can be trusted. I based that assessment on all screens being dark except for one.

I was glad we didn’t have an urgent need for currency. The area felt secure enough, but there were a few people lingering near the bank of ATMs.

Outside, the special services attendant brushed off an aggressive taxi driver and directed DH to go find our chauffeur in the scrum across the way. The attendant waited with me in the chilly night air, asking politely about our travels.

Tip for wheelchair attendant & currency conundrum

When DH returned, reporting that he’d found our driver who would get his vehicle and circle around shortly, I thanked the attendant for his assistance and offered him a $10 tip in US dollars—the only currency I had—which he accepted and appeared to appreciate.

I told him I would be fine to stand for the few minutes it would take until the driver picked us up, and I wanted to stretch my legs before climbing into yet another vehicle for the trip to the hotel. There was no reason this fellow needed to wait outside with us in the cold when he could return to helping other passengers inside the terminal.

It’s hard to know when and where wheelchair attendants expect a tip. Those of us requiring special services are a minority, and tipping culture is controversial anyway. My feelings about tipping these vital members of port staff are as follows:

  • Many people require assistance
  • Not every person can afford to tip, and there are valid reasons for travel that don’t require the passenger to be a rich person such as family reunification and medical care
  • I can afford to tip and am traveling for leisure
  • Some places in the world, like the U.S.A., allow “tipped minimum wage” salaries that are pitiably low if no voluntary tips are offered by people like me

In this case, I had no local currency, so I tipped the same amount I would have for similar service in the U.S. i.e., more than might be the going rate in a country with a lower standard of living, like Nepal. The gentleman who assisted me will have to convert those funds to his own currency, and I preferred to overpay to make up for that inconvenience.

Pile of money

I would love to hear from other users of airport special assistance about how they handle tips in the comments. I can’t be the only internet user struggling to figure out whether—or how much—to tip for wheelchair assistance around the world, and I’ll gladly provide a forum to host that discussion.

From our plane’s arrival to driving away from KTM, we spent roughly one hour and ten minutes in the airport making use of wheelchair assistance for ~45 minutes of that time.

Jolting through the night from KTM to The Terraces

It was 02:24 by the time I sent a text message home letting the family know we were in a car and headed to our hotel. Though the airport itself bustled with people, the streets we drove through thereafter were deserted save a few stray dogs.

I’ve read about Kathmandu’s traffic, and appreciated skipping that, but I would have enjoyed seeing more of the city itself as we passed through it.

The driver informed us it would take a maximum of one hour to reach our destination.

My immediate impression of Nepal in darkness was a jumble of buildings in combinations unlike any I’d see at home, winding roadways formed on no obvious plan, flashing lights on one block with pitch black the next, and signs in a mixture of foreign script and Roman characters I could interpret.

Air pollution’s effect on sensitive individuals

We chose to wear masks throughout our travels though none were required, but I could still smell woodsmoke on the air through my N95 in some areas. The smoky scent increased as we climbed the foothills and left the city for its outskirts.

Sensitive travelers should know, I experienced readily discernible air pollution, but just enough to tickle my throat, and the level did seem to improve noticeably as we left the city for our hotel on the valley’s rim. My advice is that anyone with asthma or environmental allergies take all possible precautions before coming to Kathmandu.

Rough roads challenge easily injured bodies

DH’s conference was held at the comfortable, modern resort, The Terraces, which compares favorably to fine hotels worldwide. The road to get there, however, plainly reflects Nepal’s status as a developing nation.

I felt I was being literally beaten by the vehicle as it pitched and jolted over the uneven surface. There were switchbacks and hairpin turns, and, a few times, our wheels skidded on loose gravel.

Frankly, I was glad to pass this way in the darkness. I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy seeing what were likely sheer drops with no guardrails by the side of the road.

For those with chronic pain or anyone sensitive to rough motion, it might be advisable to stay overnight near the airport and take extra time to recover from flights before venturing forth on Nepal’s roads. Given the status of their infrastructure, getting from point A to point B may present more pain than those of us from wealthy nations are used to.

Again, if you live in pain even without an outside stimulus causing it, this may be the time and place to consider other modes of travel—I expect to take my first ever helicopter ride here—beyond buses or automobiles for anywhere outside Kathmandu itself. The people of Nepal are eager for improved roadways, but they haven’t got them yet.

Warm greetings on arrival at our destination

Sign at entrance gate to The Terraces resortThirty-four minutes later, we came to the gate of The Terraces. A security guard let us in after conferring with the driver, and our long journey ended with a gracious greeting by not one, but two, night clerks at the front desk.

Though getting to Kathmandu presented me with challenges and more physical discomfort than most flights and drives, I can’t stress enough how very welcoming every Nepali individual was along the way. You will have to work to make it here, but you will find those you meet eager to assist you if they can.

If you can manage the challenges I’ve described, take the journey. The cost may be high—in dollars, energy expended, or discomfort to be endured—but so is the value of the experience. Nepal is a place of wonders, magnificent and replete with compassion and joy. It’s worth the trip.

* American carriers and airports are required to provide mobility assistance free of charge to any passenger who requests it in advance, though tipping these assistants is common practice in the USA.

For comparison, I’d say wildfire smoke in southern Oregon affects my throat and breathing more than what I found in Kathmandu on arrival, but the air quality is not unlike Los Angeles was in the early 1990’s when the smog I breathed in on a trip there caused me to lose my voice over a period of a few days.

PDX airport renovation poses new challenge for those with mobility limitations

This post will benefit those of us who fly in or out of Oregon’s major international hub, PDX. The airport, it is a-changing, and if you think you know it and how to navigate it, but you haven’t traveled much during the pandemic, think again!

Until now (December 2021), perhaps my favorite thing about PDX was the elegant simplicity of all airside (post-security) amenities being accessible to each other. There used to be a connector between this airport’s two sides. Adding 150 feet of space inside the terminal is displacing the old walkway.View of construction at PDX from Lounge

R.I.P. airside connector!

The good news is that this generally sensible airport will regain such a connection when the major construction is done. The bad news? That is scheduled for 2023.

As of 2021, travelers need to exit security and re-clear the TSA checkpoint to go from the B/C side to the D/E side. That’s a bummer, and a change, but it makes PDX similar to many other poorly designed airports.

Note: Crossing from B/C to D/E always has been a long-ish walk, and those with difficulty walking should get assistance or allow lots of time here even when the option comes back. Fortunately, most domestic connections don’t require crossing the airport in this way.

Here’s something that had an even bigger impact on me, a person who travels with some mobility limitations due to chronic illness: the walk from check-in to gate before departure, or from gate to baggage claim upon arrival, has grown from manageable to torturous according to my abilities.

This update may also affect families with young children. Little legs on very tired, very young people may also find the new trek difficult.

If you think you already know you can comfortably handle the walking distances at PDX, please look at updated construction maps and reconsider before travel if it’s been awhile since your last transit of this normally pleasant airport.PDX airport winter day - 1

I flew into PDX in the summer, visiting my dad, and the modern “one way valve” security exit didn’t seem so very different from before. The walk was longer, yes, and around to the side whereas one used to enter and exit the secure area from a central location, but at that point the airport still felt familiar with a slight redirection.

Landing in early December, 2021, however—after an, admittedly, much longer-than-average flight time due to a fierce jet stream—walking from arrival gate to baggage claim felt like personal judgement by a cruel god. I thought I might have to stop and rest at one point. I regretted failing to ask for a wheelchair escort before I was halfway out.

Checking in, just before the New Year, to fly home again, I asked an Alaska Airlines representative if the way in was now as convoluted as the exit route had been.PDX airport Alaska Airlines gate C11 - 1

“For the next four years,” she chirped. I opted to visit the special assistance group over by the windows and take a ride to spare my feet.

If you struggle with walking long distances, I strongly advise electing wheelchair assistance at PDX until its renovations are complete. Arrive very early, and accept the help that is available.

As it happens, there was no free assistance agent to help me at 07:30 on New Year’s Eve, though someone was present with the flock* of empty wheelchairs checking boarding passes and explaining the process.

Lucky for me, they gave us the option of having one of my able-bodied kids push me in an airport-owned chair, so we were off within five to seven minutes. An elderly couple traveling on their own who’d arrived before us was still waiting as we left.

I didn’t ask for an official estimate for how long the process of being assisted might take, but I’d add at least half an hour to one’s airport dawdling allowance if traveling alone with special mobility needs requiring an airport-provided wheelchair and attendant.

It goes without saying that one’s teen may not steer a wheelchair as expertly as an experienced, paid professional. Then again, I’ve had my feet bashed by at least a couple of strangers in the past, so a strong kid who loves you isn’t the worst option at an airport.

The “traffic cop” airport employee who directs passengers into the correct TSA security line did cause us some confusion by pointing to the “Express” lane when we were actually eligible for the “PreCheck” lane.TSA Precheck logo

It’s worth knowing that PreCheck trumps Express as far as convenience goes, so use that lane if your boarding pass indicates you are eligible.

Travelers transiting the airport from one no-longer-connected terminal to another are eligible for “Express” lane priority, which did have a markedly shorter line this December morning when compared with the standard security queue. PreCheck, on the other hand, allows one to leave shoes and light jackets on one’s body, keep liquids and electronics inside one’s bag, etc.

Fortunately, the split between Express and PreCheck was very close to the body scanners and X-ray machines so we backtracked only 15 or 20 feet.

It is possible that simply being in a wheelchair caused the “traffic cop” airport employee to direct us to the Express lane. In the past, I’ve noted that wheelchair assistance often allows one to skip the security queue. If this policy is universal, that could shave off a bit of the time “wasted” waiting for an assist. Then again, I didn’t stop to interrogate the employee in question, so don’t count on cutting the line due to mobility limitations without consulting a higher authority than me.

When I make use of airport assistance in the United States, I do tip any wheelchair attendant $5 per ride.

This is not a mandatory fee—services for travelers with disabilities are the responsibility of places of public accommodation—but it does seem to be expected, particularly in the northeast region. In foreign airports when I’ve relied upon similar services, I’ve gotten baffled looks from employees less accustomed to our tipping culture, with gratuities being politely refused in New Zealand, for example.

If you only occasionally need an airport mobility assist, and haven’t typically taken advantage of one at PDX, reconsider your habits there for trips from 2022 to 2024. If your toes are anything like mine, they will thank you!Red walker on hardwood floor in home

Airport assistance is a public good meant to serve all of us who travel; don’t be ashamed to take advantage of services designed to allow everyone equal access to the world.

*What is the correct plural noun for wheelchairs, I wonder? If I get to choose, let’s go with a “roller” of wheelchairs.

Prioritize time with friends if you value your health

Do you prioritize your friendships?

Studies show—and common sense should confirm—that lives are healthier and happier when they include regular time spent in agreeable company. Getting together for coffee with a friend is as worthwhile an endeavor as hitting the gym or having your annual physical with the doctor.Espresso in demitasse cup on cafe table

“[R]esearchers have predicted that loneliness will reach epidemic proportions by 2030 unless action is taken”

and

“Current evidence indicates that heightened risk for mortality from a lack of social relationships is greater than that from obesity”

Quotes from a 2015 Meta analysis of research on loneliness/social isolation and its effect on health by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, et. al.

Yet, somehow, our culture presses us to “make time” for work (primarily) as if time can be spun from willpower alone and also lionizes those whose sexual relationships fit an idealized mold. Subsequent emphasis is then given to the familial obligations that result when offspring commonly results from the latter.

Woman hugs childTo the exclusion of all else, the role of spouse and, maybe, parent, especially if you’re a woman is presumed to offer all the emotional support one person needs, tacitly proclaiming romantic love* a panacea for every type of companionship.

Unfortunately, that notion is tragically flawed, placing outrageous pressure on one person to be “everything” to another when that is neither probable nor healthy. It kills marriages, leaving lonely people feeling like failures when they’ve followed the common wisdom and left their friendships behind after coupling.

Human beings are social creatures. We evolved to live in communities.

I’ve got it easier than most as chronic illness forces me to confront my limitations on a regular basis. If I wasn’t skilled at aligning my actions to my values before I got sick, having my physical energies truncated again and againand again so repeatedly has brought my focus to the point.

It’s a fine, sharp point, too!

Men, in particular, may literally be dying from loneliness, though social isolation is increasing for all genders. “Social” media is simply not sufficient to nurture human health and happiness.

People seated in beneath stone arches in Barcelona restaurantThough, by all means, keep reading my blog.

Call a friend. Make a date. Visit the pub. Take time to play a game together. Put it in your calendar, and prioritize it! Your other successes will mean very little if you go early to your grave for want of meaningful companionship.

*Modern philosopher Roman Krznaric wrote a wonderful article on how our interpretation of the thing we call “love” and how ours differs from that of the ancient Greeks. I highly recommend both the short article and his full length book containing the same work as a chapter.

Book How should we live - 1Search for: How Should We Live?: Great Ideas from the Past for Everyday Life

Children, First Class, disability & who “deserves” to sit where in an airplane

Because I at least try to be a considerate and thoughtful traveler, I regularly look up phrases to suggest “the best way” of doing things. One such example? Parents traveling in First Class whilst their children trail along in steerage a lesser service category.

What I find most fascinating about the search results is the concurrent expression of two opinions that lead inexorably to parent shaming without a solution:

  1. Children don’t belong in First Class unilaterally!, while
  2. Parents who “abandon” their kids in Economy while riding up front themselves are monstrous jerks who should be drawn and quartered (or at least shot.)

Essentially, the sum of those two arguments leads to the conclusion that parents ought never travel in First Class while their children are under age.

Here’s where I’ll swing back around to a point I’ve stressed on this blog before: I often purchase tickets in premium cabins because of my health. Chronic autoimmune illness makes that option more comfortable—but also safer and healthier—for me.

I live with chronic pain.

Every day, I probably ache in at least a few joints. Travel—otherwise one of my great joys—can make my symptoms worse. A larger, more adaptable seat does help. More room, easier access to a lavatory, and the simple comfort of a foot rest or extensible leg support makes the difference between a successful trip and a multi-hour torture chamber.

Note that the acquisition of a more comfortable seat is something I do in addition to taking the most powerful opioid painkillers I’ve got. In transit, I will still suffer more pain than my daily average with these interventions. I choose the world-expanding possibilities of travel in spite of the cost, but the calculus for any given trip can be complex.

If there were legal protections on a minimum amount of space per passenger on a plane, the actionable facts in this argument could be different. If I were guaranteed a seat in Coach that provided enough room to shift position and freedom from being kicked and elbowed by even a plus-sized seat mate, I’d be open to debating the courtesies of keeping younger travelers out of the pointy end of the plane.

Since that is a pipe dream, however, the traveling public is going to have to tolerate my presence in Premium Economy and better, when I can afford it. And, where I go, there also will travel my children when I deem it desirable that they join me.

Given these facts, which option is preferable to the segment of society that objects to children in First Class and kids seated away from their folks?

My own choice is usually dictated by my finances.

When I score an awesome cheap fare up front, I typically book my little guy (middle school aged, so not so terribly tiny) in the seat next to me. He is delighted by the idea of a luxury trip, though modern domestic First Class is a far cry from gold-plated splendor. I prefer having his company to sitting alone.

Then again, I do actively discourage any sense of entitlement to this, my more peer-influenceable child. He has also known the joys of sleeping in a cramped Economy seat on a too-long/too-short transatlantic flight, and he knows full well how to wait his turn in the interminable queue to board, settle quickly into his seat and stow his own carry on, and then keep himself to himself en route to make the uncomfortable as tolerable as possible for everyone else aboard the jet.

The older teen would rather sit on his own regardless because he’s way too cool to be seen with me, so he’s stowed in steerage unless a really high Coach fare is actually a poor value compared with the mileage earning and family togetherness opportunities of a bargain up front.

Don’t gasp–it does happen! Leisure travelers who covet rock bottom fares and business travelers whose companies pay top dollar tend to prefer flights on different days and times.

Always check fares in all classes before booking! You may find First Class for less than Coach. It’s rare, but I have seen it* myself.

This summer, I’m accompanying my husband to a conference in the UK and we’re bringing the little guy along. On the way out, his ticket, purchased with frequent flier miles, is in Comfort+ (i.e., Premium Economy) while his father will be four rows ahead but behind the magic curtain in Delta One.

My own flight, also bought with miles, will be on a different date, itinerary, and airline entirely. We don’t have that many miles on any given airline at one time. Also, I often depart ahead of time to allow a day (or more) of recovery before entering full “tourist mode” and because I enjoy travel so much more than DH does. He rarely takes even a single day off concurrent with his business trips.

It’s a transatlantic redeye, so the kid is expected to sit, settle, and sleep. His “solo” presence is unlikely be a bother to anyone at all under these circumstances, even offering his adjacent seatmate a bit more space due to his small stature. Purchasing the equivalent to his dad’s company-paid Business Class seat was simply out of our reach.

To be clear: I, personally, am not talking about abandoning a toddler 40 rows back from his responsible adult companion. Perhaps non-parents need to be told, too, that there is no single age when every child will be ready to sit alone. As with staying home alone without direct supervision, I’d judge the right age to be over six years at a minimum and by the age of 13 for almost everyone.

Our return to the US presents a completely different set of circumstances. The lo-o-o-ong nonstop flight from Ireland to the Pacific Northwest should see the boy wide awake and therefore more likely to want or need something from a parent, if only to ask if my usual strict limit of one sweet drink per flight could be adjusted, “just this once.” I also found a relatively low fare in a premium cabin whereas Economy on the direct flight I wanted was rather high. In this scenario, I’m opting to pay to seat my child up front next to me.

It’s been argued that children don’t appreciate the “best parts” of the premium cabin experience. For many travelers, that appears to be getting drunk! True, my son won’t be sipping champagne, and he isn’t overly inconvenienced by the cramped conditions in the cheapest seats so the extra room is “wasted” on him.

Both of us will enjoy easier access to the lavatory, however, and the better service offered by less harried flight attendants. My younger son is outgoing and friendly; he will appreciate plenty about traveling with a more gracious level of service. The fact that different elements of Business Class will tickle his pre-teen fancy doesn’t make his experience count for less.

Where will my teen be during this jaunt? Well, he would rather fly alone to visit his grandparents sooner and leave the UK to the rest of us. Somehow, I’ve produced offspring that aren’t as interested in foreign travel as I am. After a bit of practice sitting in Coach 20 rows behind me, he graduated to a solo flight with Unaccompanied Minor service around age 12. Now, though still in high school and underage, he’s old enough to manage his own passage through the security gauntlet and onto a direct flight without paying for the airline’s hand-holding.

My solo teen might also annoy those who like to complain, but he’s not an intrusive passenger with his slim build and quiet habits. On his last trip to visit Grandma, he texted me joyfully upon landing from his ultra cheap middle seat that the guy by the window didn’t need to pee even once. Never having to get up once makes a great flight by his metrics.

Glasses of wine and water on airplane tray tableFeel free to compare that behavior to the tipsy adult who spills his third drink all over you and your laptop. The guy may offer to pay for your dry cleaning, but you’ll be wearing stained and sticky pants for the next half a day regardless.

*This actually seems to be most likely around holidays when families travel to be together. What a great way to treat yourself if clan gatherings are a source of great stress as well as joy for you.

If there were a way to get him booked into a hotel without an adult in the event of delays or flight cancellations, I would trust him to make connections, too. The boy is downright competent!

Chronic illness stinks, but I still opt for gratitude

I woke up this morning and realized:

Yesterday was the first day in months during which I hadn’t needed any* pain medication!

Bottle of pain pillsToday, then, it is perhaps “too easy” for me to write about living with a sense of gratitude in spite of the burdens of chronic illness.

You might assume I’m just having a great day, or that I’m naturally perky.

It is fair to describe me as fundamentally optimistic, but perky? Not so much. I’m decidedly prone to uncontrollable outbursts of snark and cynical enough to doubt the motivations of others.

This “less pain” holiday certainly does, however, make it easier for me to reflect upon the gifts I’ve gained from living with chronic illness.

Most importantly, my pain and physical limitations have made me more empathetic. I’m a better person for the suffering. That’s something, anyway!

I am now more likely to give someone else the benefit of the doubt in frustrating situations. I have more patience for slow movers and “inconvenient” people in my way. I’m far more generous with my tolerance.

Pain is also teaching me to have patience with myself. This is true not just when I need physical accommodations like using the buttons to open powered doors or taking the handicapped stall lest I find myself perched and suddenly realize the knees won’t raise me back up without an assist from a sturdy grab bar.

Bathroom fitted with accommodations for physical disabilitiesGiving myself permission to make use of aids for physical disability also seems to rub off on those nasty tendencies toward negative self talk that can be so undermining to one’s psyche. If I’m worth accommodating when my body fails me, why, suddenly, I can forgive myself for a day’s lapse in will power or my other myriad and sundry imperfections.

I wouldn’t wish a life interrupted by chronic pain or ongoing illness on anyone. Then again, I wouldn’t change anything about my own history if a genie popped out of a lamp and gave me the option.

I’m grateful for the life I have, warts and all. It would be wonderful to find a cure for what ails me, but I’m thankful for the lessons from the illness in the meantime.

Wall art stating “Give thanks”Being sick is beyond my control. Choosing to live my life with gratitude is up to me.

*With the exception of the topical prescription NSAID that eases my most finicky—and much used!—joints in the fingers and wrists, I suppose I should add. A day completely without pain is, sadly, no longer something I ever seem to have.

I’ve had such frustrations with the side effects of opioids and the synthetic alternatives that I have a truly love-hate relationship with them. Taking these pills does make the pain a little more bearable on a bad day, but nothing actually stops it completely when it is bad. Oh yes, and then the drugs screw up my sleep which can create its own vicious circle because fatigue increases my pain!

There is lots of room for improvement in medication for the management of chronic pain.